I Resolve to Evolve

New Years' resolutions don't work well for me anymore.  Goal-setting and such step-by-step planning doesn't even seem to work very well for me anymore either.  Life changes to quickly and I seem to have to turn on a dime in an instant of a second in the most graceful of all manners.  

Nothing says "Happy New Year!" like fireworks

Gone are the days and New Years' Eves where I would spend countless hours pouring over my New Years' resolutions, painstakingly spelling out every last detail of how I intended to accomplish next year's goals... of course, only after subjecting myself to the appropriate berating of myself for not having accomplished all of last year's goals first.

e·volve

 [ih-volv] verb, e·volved,e·volv·ing.

1.

to develop gradually

2.

to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution

Don't get me wrong -- I consistently make plans and set goals.  Instead of all the minute details at year-end now though, I've become more of a "road map" type of gal.  I seem to have in mind more of a destination I'm seeking and have less concern about the route I take to get there.  In my lifetime of almost 40 years (yes, 2012 will be a milestone year for me), I've learned there's usually more than one way to get from Point A to Point B. For me lately, it has become more about finding the most scenic and enjoyable route to eventually get me to the same intended destination.

Point of illustration -- one of my goals always seems to be centered around weight loss and becoming more physically fit.  I've been beating myself up over the past few weeks because I've not kept to my normal exercise routine or faithfully logged all the calories I've been consuming.  After all, over the past 3 years I've dropped almost 50 pounds and toned up quite a bit... I don't want to gain it all back after going through such hard work... which is something that I've left happen to me before (although not at that significant level)!  Still, consider the time of year and I did allow myself some much-needed indulgences over vacation-time, holidays, and festivities over the past few months.  I did let my guard down a little, but when I weighed in this morning I was pleasantly surprised.  My measurements stayed consistent and I was only 4-5 pounds heavier than when I took my last full measurements at the end of August.  That's something easily remedied with our renewed efforts during the coming new year.  Sometimes you just need a slight "detour" to be able to stay on track.

So, I've enjoyed some celebrating of 2011... it was a really, really good year that I'm thankful for because of so many reasons.  God has blessed us abundantly (as always) and I stand in amazement of His bountiful blessings and love.  Where am I going in 2012?  Well, I'm still on the same track.. my same "road map" so-to-speak, trying to gradually evolve into my ideal self.  Here is who I'm prayerfully aspiring to become:

My ideal self is a positive, cheerful woman that always looks for the best in people and situations.  She recognizes gaps and challenges as opportunities to build upon and make things better.  She doesn't make excuses and she accepts responsibility for her actions.  She is confident and doesn't sell her self short.  She helps everyone around her be better people too and offers love and friendship to all that she meets and interacts with.  She is mindful and aware of all her surroundings, her energy levels, feelings, emotions and physical sensations -- always striving to make all work well together to enjoy life and each moment to the fullest.  She is forgiving of others - and herself - helping others and herself to learn from their mistakes and grow from them.  She is creative and is always learning new and interesting things.  She builds and leaves a legacy for those that come behind her.

I'm certainly not "there" yet, but I hope to move towards these lofty goals step by step.  Happy New Year everyone!  Tell me what your hopes are for 2012 and how you hope to continuously "evolve"...

Another Christmas Miracle

I must confess... this year I have found it a quite a bit more challenging to get myself into the Christmas spirit than usual.  My closest family and friends will find this absolutely shocking.  After all, I tend to listen to Christmas music all year long, although a little more infrequently than in "the season."  Heck, my name even SCREAMS Christmas cheer if you think about it.  Why did I find it so hard to get in the spirit this year?!?!

How can anyone resist Christmas lights? -- Disney's Cinderella Castle draped in lights when we visited Magic Kingdom in 2007

I must confess that I've gotten caught up in the "busyness" of everything lately and it really has weighted me down this season.  At the suggestion of Gretchin Rubin to her readers late in 2010, I picked "momentum" as my word to set the tone in 2011.  I even wrote a lengthy blog post about how I intended to use that as motivation this year.  Well, 2011 started out great... it's been an awesome year and we've managed to accomplish a lot.  But lately I've been feeling like I've run out of steam and started feeling rather "stuck."  The minutia of life sometimes just gets to overwhelming and unending.

Even after giving myself "permission" to skip the annual Christmas newsletter mailing and keeping decorations very minimal, I've still just not really felt very "Christmas-sy" until a few days ago.  One night I left work a bit later than normal.  Earlier that day I was able to get out at lunchtime to go for a run in the beautiful warm Florida December weather.  However, by the time I left my office a cool front had dramatically dropped the temperatures and brought a steady, dreary type of rain with it for the evening.  Christmas music played through my car's radio and the words to a beautiful version of "O Holy Night" really caught my attention.  The chorus kept powerfully reminding me... "the weary world rejoices..."  Imagine that... the weary world rejoices.  How hopeful is that sentiment!  Even in my most weary moment, I have so much to be thankful and hopeful for...how callous of me to forget.  Music always has a way of speaking to me and it transported me back to a few Christmas celebrations in the past where I was really in tune with the real reason for the season.

So I had to do some catching up online and it looks like Knoxville's Wallace Memorial Baptist Church's Living Christmas Tree is under construction again this year.  It brings back so many wonderful memories of a very spiritual Christmas awakening I felt one year in my earlier adulthood years on my own. 

It was my 2nd Christmas on my own as an adult and I had just moved to Knoxville, TN from Johnson City.  I became very involved in the young adult ministry at Wallace and especially in their wonderful choir and a small singing ensemble called "Cornerstone."  The Living Christmas Tree is an annual tradition at that church that is not to be missed.  I was blessed to be a part of it in 1996 when I first moved to Knoxville, singing alto in this awesome choir.  Practices for the program were intense and I was very busy then too, but for some reason I felt very in-tune with the coming Christmas season.  At the same time that season I read "Two From Galilee" by Marjorie Holmes for the first time.  It was such an amazing account of Mary and Joseph and the Christmas story, a true love story unmatched by anything I had ever read before.  There was probably more than one choir practice I was late for just because I could not put the book down.  Reading that particular account of that story made performing in the Living Christmas Tree all the more of a spiritual awakening for me.  Never will I now be able to hear the words to "Mary Did You Know" without having chills run up and down my spine.  I'll never forget singing my heart out on that 3rd bottom row of that tree (stage right), wondering if the congregation felt the miracle of the Christmas story as I felt it at that moment.

So, a few nights ago I was hoping and praying for a similar awakening like I felt so many Christmas celebrations ago.  I know my to-do list isn't going to get any shorter and there will always be work to do and that's fine.  I just needed a gentle reminder of what it is all about to empower me to keep moving forward.  I needed to become unstuck.

This morning I was blessed to get that reminder from our kids at Chapel by the Sea as they performed their own Christmas program.  From the wonderful symbolism of the advent wreath... (it dawned on me the only pink candle symbolizes "joy"... no wonder I love the color of pink), to our kids who surprised Scott and I with thoughtful gifts we weren't expecting, to the message of the program they presented....I find myself with such a happy heart tonight, learning from the children.

Santa's chair awaits behind Chapel by the Sea's advent wreath

So I'm happy to say I think I've been found by the Christmas spirit this year, although a bit later than usual for me.  Now just to transfer that positive energy to my to-do list and any work to be done, continuing that sense of momentum into the new year!  Happy holidays everyone!

Nothing Says Summer Like Fresh Produce

Hmm... what do I want to write about today?  I must say I've had quite the struggle with writers' block lately. It's hard to believe the first half of 2011 is nearly behind us now.  Tax season, business at work and our business, as well as some personal family losses since the holidays really left me feeling drained and burnt-out.  Thank goodness for several mini-vacations and short-trip getaways with my husband over the past few months.  I'm reminded of an illustration Pastor Tommy once gave during a sermon at Towering Oaks Baptist Church in Greeneville, Tennessee.  Sometimes you just have to "prime the pump" (speaking of an old-timey hand water pump) before you can expect water to come gushing from the spout.  Taking some time to rest, relax and have fun together really has done wonders to replenish energy stores and re-stoke my creative nature.  

WELCOME SUMMER!

Now that I'm feeling primed and much more energetic again, summer has arrived here in Florida.  Not that there was a drastic overnight change in temperature or atmosphere here in the Tampa Bay area... it all seems to happen gradually.  The temperatures start coming out of the occasional winter chill we have, all the flowers and trees burst into bloom, and then suddenly everything looks so green, the heat is sweltering, and the Gulf waters feel more like bath water than refreshing.  Humidity is oppressive at times and thunderstorms and heat lightening seem to be almost daily occurrences as rainy season sets in.  We're hoping at least "hurricane season" will be very quiet here again this year.

Some things seem to automatically say "Summer's here" to me.  Ironic as it sounds, fresh produce is one of those things that always seems to signal the change in seasons.  We're fortunate here in Florida to be able to get great produce year-round.  Still, there are some fruits and veggies that only seem to come "in season" at certain times, making you appreciate their return after their seasonal absence.  Those delicious edibles seem to trigger fond memories for me of happy summers from my childhood, often spent hanging out with my younger sister and daydreaming about what life would ever turn out to be.  We grew up in the city limits of an East Tennessee town and summer seemed to "officially arrive" for us when we'd drive out into the country to a produce stand or looking for a farmer selling fresh corn out of the back of his pick-up truck.  I remember groaning when my parents would buy dozens and dozens of corn on the cob and we'd end up having a "shucking party" so we could freeze much of it to enjoy later.  But the sweet reward would come after all the work and nothing tasted as good as having a few boiled ears with butter melted over them and a little bit of salt.  Even a few slices of big, beefsteak tomatoes on the side went well with the garden feast too.  Fresh, juicy peaches and watermelon slices were always enjoyed then as well.  There was a definite, distinct "taste" of summer.

Now being an adult, I can't look forward to having those few summer months off to day dream and lounge about like I used to.  At least the fresh taste of summer can still bring back those wonderful memories though. Happy summer everyone!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then followed that beautiful season... Summer...

Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; 

and the landscape lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

He Speaks to Me Everywhere

This past week has been a difficult one, but has also been a time to recharge and reconnect.  I feel recharged in my creativity and reconnected with several friends and family members.  My Heavenly Father has made Himself very real to me this week in many ways and through many interactions.  That made me remember this beautiful painting in our church.

A beautiful mural in Chapel Hall at Chapel by the Sea n Clearwater, Florida

Little did I realize that the words on this mural are actually from one of my favorite hymns.   And I just now stumbled on the story by the hymn written by Malthie D. Babcock - where he always told his wife "I'm going out to see my Father's world" as he went out for his daily morning walk.

This is my Father's world,

the birds their carols raise,

the morning light, the lily white,

declare their maker's praise.

This is my Father's world:

he shines in all that's fair;

in the rustling grass I hear him pass;

he speaks to me everywhere.

Text: Maltbie D. Babcock

Music: Trad. English melody; adapt. by Franklin L. Sheppard 

So during this past week I enjoyed some springtime scenery in East Tennessee that I've not seen in several years now that we live in sunny Florida.  Dogwoods, irises, mountains -- they were all just breathtakingly beautiful during my trip back to my hometown.  He even spoke through the terrible storms that blew all around us on April 27th and placed a hedge of protection around us when so many others were harmed by the tornadoes and high winds.

As much as I love East Tennessee and having grown up in such a lovely place, I love West Central Florida even more.  I'm so lucky to have even more beauty to return home too after last week's visit.

I have so many more pictures I could post, but suffice it to say there is so much beauty all around us - regardless where we physically are.  He speaks to me not only through nature, but through others and various situations too - if I'll only take time to listen.

Tomorrow starts another busy work-week.  It will be tempting to become so engrossed in the deadlines and the details of everything that has to be done.  I'm challenging myself to be more mindful, more aware of everything around me.  He does speak to me everywhere.  I'm going out to see my Father's world too.

Have a great week everyone!

Like a Bump on a Log

     Wow!  It's been a very long time since I've written anything.  And in my last post I was so gung-ho with writing about all the determination and Finnish sisu that I have.  Where did all that energy of mine escape to?!  Well, I must say over the last few months especially, I've been more like a bump on a log.

So, is it so bad to be a bump on a log?  Evidently I used to think so when I was a little girl.  I'll never forget one conversation between my maternal Grandfather and his brother when I was only in late elementary school.  I had spent the summer in northern Minnesota (Soudan, MN to be exact) for a long extended visit with my Grandma and Grandpa Holm.  This was the first time I was ever "on my own" apart from my parents too... pretty scary stuff for the young person I was at the time.

During that summer I remember spending a lot of time outside the visitors' room in the hospital.  My grandfather was very sick often, and I was too young by the hospital's standards to visit him when he was a patient.  Thankfully for much of the summer he was out of the hospital though.  But, during that time what I remember most about my grandfather was that he was confined to a wheelchair, and he often got tired and was sick.   He tried, but he just didn't have the energy to keep up with the likes of me.  Maybe it's understandable why I really took up with his brother that summer, my Uncle Adolph.  There was something about him that fascinated me.  In spite of severe arthritis and joint replacements, he managed to find ways to stay active and get around... to my young mind, without issue, it seemed.

So, with that backdrop set now, I get back to the conversation I found mortifying as a young girl.  I enjoyed spending much time with my Uncle Adolph, getting to know him and his wife Alvina.  Lord knows what I babbled about during our visits.  At the end of the summer my parents traveled back up north to collect me and bring me home to Tennessee.  We all were having a grand visit before I went home, and somewhere along the conversation my Grandfather commented to me "So, you think that I'm a bump on a log?"

Never in my wildest dreams would I have actually told Grandpa Holm that I thought he was a bump on a log.  There was so much of his life I didn't understand when he was alive... from his illness, to his inability to walk and get around without the use of a walker, to the cancer, to just his serious nature and stern personality.  Sometimes it was intimidating to a kid.  Thankfully I was blessed that Grandpa Holm recorded his testimony on a cassette tape before he passed away.  I've listened to his words and the story of his life over and over for the past 20+ years and have learned so much from his example and faith.  I didn't appreciate him enough when he was alive, when I was so young and just didn't understand.  Only after it was too late did I realize he was never a "bump on a log."   In his own way, he fought to make the most out of the life he was given.  And he blessed so many people in the process.

I've been my own "bump on a log" the last few months... just overwhelmed with life in general -- tons of work, trying to get our taxes filed, and general concerns over family and friends.  My Grandpa Byrd has been on a roller-coaster ride with his health during this time too, and unfortunately (for us) we lost him this past Thursday evening.  I fly home this evening to be with family and attend the funeral.  I'm looking forward to visiting, but am already missing being with my husband.

So, I guess I'm trying to say that now being an adult, I think I understand why sometimes we fall into that lethargic mood.  It's not that we want to enjoy life any less or be less active.  Sometimes life just takes the spirit out of you and it takes a while to refuel your energy again.

The taxes are done now thank goodness and I'm beginning to feel more like myself again.  The next few days will be spent visiting family and treasuring precious memories of our loved ones.  I'm counting on that and the anticipation of returning home to my beloved husband who I dread being apart from, to help refuel my creative energies.  So many good things are happening in my life right now and I have so many blessings to be thankful for.  Enough time for me being that "bump on a log" - time to move forward again!

Counted cross-stitch piece I did of my favorite photo of me and Grandpa Holm

Me with Grandpa Byrd the last time I was home to visit in November 2008.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.  

~ Lucille Ball

"Sisu" Means I'm Finn (Never "Finished")

The screensaver on my computer is often an interesting conversation-starter.  What is so appealing about this pile of rocks that would inspire me to look at this picture so many times on any given day?

"Monument to the Finnish sisu" on a fell in Lapland

This is a monument in the Scandinavian land of Finland that I learned about sometime in the past few years when researching some information for a family history project.  This monument to the Finnish "sisu" led me to learn a new favorite word and concept.

I have the typical American "melting pot" family heritage of a little bit of many nationalities -- French, German, English, Irish, German, Danish, and Finnish.  However, with both of my maternal great-grandparents having immigrated from the Suomussalmi area of Finland in the late 1800s and early 1900s, I'm proud to say I'm more Finn than anything.  Through dabbling in a growing genealogy hobby and building my family tree online, I've "met" several distant relatives back in Finland.  I've enjoyed their lessons to me in trying to learn the language and more about my ancestors' homeland than I ever knew about before.

"Sisu", I've learned, is the one term that sums up the culture of Finland and its people.  Finland, a sparsely populated northern European country, long under the rule of both Sweden and Russia until finally gaining independence in 1917, is not small in spirit.  Sisu means perseverance... strength of will... determination and perseverance.  And not just a passing effort of strength either.  Sisu means determination even to the point of keeping the fight when most people would have already given up in defeat.  With a tough history and the harsh winters the Finnish people have been accustomed to endure, it's no wonder that Finns naturally have such strong-willed determination.

So, back to my screensaver... why do I keep this image of this pile of rocks front and center of my daily attention?  Well, I must say I'm juggling a lot of big projects and responsibilities these days.  Everything seems equally critical and important and high in priority, screaming for immediate attention.  There are many days where often it feels like there's just not enough of me to go around.  It can be discouraging and it's often tempting to just give up... tempting to just look for something easier.

The Sisu monument picture serves as a good reminder to me to not give up... to keep persevering.  The results will be worth it in the end if I just keep trying.

So, today I leave you with these seeds of joyful thought and encouragement.   After all, I'm Finn - never finished!

Please share with us what keeps you motivated to persevere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.  

~Author Unknown

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired 

of doing the hard work you already did.  

~Newt Gingrich

Stubbornly persist, and you will find that the limits of your stubbornness 

go well beyond the stubbornness of your limits.  

~Robert Brault

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.  

~Author Unknown

As a means to success, determination has this advantage over talent - 

that it does not have to be recognized by others.  

~Robert Brault

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.  

~William Feather

Sunday Evening Blues

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. ~Albert Einstein

I have to admit... the Sunday evening blues have set in again in my mind.  It always seems to happen to me around this time on a Sunday evening.  My husband and I have enjoyed another lovely weekend together and Monday morning looms on the horizon.  There's still so much we want to do, as well as just rest and relax, but alas... time always seems to slip away so quickly.

There are so many thoughts in my head that I find myself struggling to make sense of and sort out.  It's very tempting to lament over everything undone and everything I had hoped to "get around to" do or experience.  It's all just so tempting to fall into a negative way of thinking, but I recently wrote about choosing not to avoid having the lizard brain again and am committed to watching my words and thoughts.

Paul Foreman continues to capture my attention through his great blog posts and mind maps.  This particular blog post gives some great insight into 100 ways to rise above negativity.

Mr. Foreman has captured some great thoughts and suggestions here.  Surely there's something in his writings we can latch on to and rise above any moments of melancholy.  After all, joy and happiness tend to be right underneath our nose on any given day, ready to be found if we'll just take the time to look.

So, I challenge you to be a positive rebel today!  Share with us ways you've found to rise above the blues to a more positive way of thinking and feeling.

No more lizard brain for me!

Seth Godin wrote a recent blog post that hit me right between the eyes.  He was so right about the "lizard brain" speaking up, constantly sending us on that downward spiral of thinking about not having any good ideas, followed by not having enough time.  When you come right down to it, it's our choice of whether or not we are going to let the resistance win.

I must admit that I struggle with procrastination often.  Sometimes things just seem so overwhelming and I really am not sure of where to start.  Perfectionism reduces me to frequent "all-or-nothing" thinking.  What's underneath all that isn't pretty... fear of failure and fear of not having anything worthwhile to say or share.  Being a very detailed-oriented person, it's often easy to get caught in the weeds.

This year it's my goal to consistently break myself out of this grid-lock.  There are ideas and stories inside of me just screaming to get out.  My husband and I even recently launched a second blog about Pomegranate Janet ... a fictitious comic strip about amusing thoughts and happenings along a journey of weight loss and fitness.  Now not only am I stretching myself with the written word, but also now forcing myself to pick up my pencils and sketchpad again and just draw.  Seth Godin sure got it right... "... don't tell me you don't have any good ideas."  No more lizard brain for me!

A Favorite Childhood Toy

As the sun colors flowers, so does art color life. ~ John Lubbock 

It's a cool winter's day outside and a long workweek lies ahead.  I'm finding myself thinking back to another lovely day a few months ago where it was just heavenly being out in the fall Florida sunshine.  If you ever find yourself in Orlando in mid-November, you simply must check out Disney's Festival of the Masters event in Downtown Disney.  The 35th annual festival was the most recent one we took in, and it was the 4th year in a row we've been.  It's become a fond tradition for us to go wander about the hundreds of artisan exhibits strewn about the complex on what always seems to turn into a perfect autumn day.

2011 Festival of the Masters at Downtown Disney in Orlando, FL

Since the first year we visited the Festival, I've had my eye on this artist's incredible kaleidoscope creations.  Not only are they exquisite pieces of art, they're simply breathtaking.  I could easily pass hours and hours staring at all the color combinations these scopes create.  My sweet husband gave me one as a gift on this last visit and I've been enjoying it immensely.

Here I am pictured with the artist from Kaleidovisions
who created my single scope creation from curly maple wood.

What's so special about a tube of mirrors and a handful of small trinkets?  Wikipedia has a great account of how kaleidoscopes were developed.  Like so many things in life, it came about not as a result of direct intention, but as a happy coincidence of work on something else.  I love what the word "kaleidoscope" means in the Ancient Greek... "observer of beautiful forms."  They always make me think back to one of my favorite childhood toys... a simple kaleidoscope made of a cardboard tube and pieces of colored plastic in the scope.  It was a basic model for sure, but still brought me hours of enjoyment.

As I've been playing with my new toy, I've tried combining my interest in photography to capture some of these amazingly beautiful images.  Here are a few I hope you'll enjoy.

And lastly, just for fun... try out this online Kaleidoscope Painter for yourself.  It's great fun and stress relief to take a few moments to focus on those "beautiful forms."

On this cool winter's day when a bit of winter gloom hangs in the air, thoughts of these colorful images bring a bit more warmth to my mind.

Tell me about one of your most favorite childhood toys that brought you great joy.

A multitude of small delights constitute happiness. ~ Charles Baudelaire 

Have You Ever Stopped to Think...

... and forget to start again?  Or so, the funny saying goes.

Operations of thought are like cavalry charges in a battle -- they are strictly limited in number, they require fresh horses, and must only be made at decisive moments. ~ Whitehead 

Well, I made it through the first week back in the office after the holidays somehow.  This weekend has been a good time to pause and reflect on things.  Life passes so quickly and if we're not careful, it's easy to let life pass us by altogether.  So, as I enjoy the last bit of our wonderful weekend which has been quite enjoyable, I'm conserving my energy and beginning to rally the troops (in my head) to secure those fresh horses.  Like the New Year, tomorrow is another day and a new week to make things happen. There are challenges ahead and I'm thankful to God above for giving me the gumption to try and rise to the task.   As I think Teddy Roosevelt once said in his Rough-Riders days... "CHARGE!!!!"

Have a great week everyone!

Trying to Find My Own Voice

To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard. ~ Allen Ginsberg 

It's time for me to just write, write, write.... who cares who reads, right?!

Well, I still care who reads.  And I care how I come across to others.  But at the same time I feel paralyzed sometimes, waiting for that perfect moment or perfect situation to describe.  Tonight I sit on my balcony looking out on the canal leading out to Old Tampa Bay - knowing how very many opportunities I've let go by without even trying to find my own voice.  The perfect moment in our minds often is always in the future.  How many "perfect moments do we disregard by not taking advantage of the perfect moment that really already is at hand?

I fear I have let many opportunities slip by.  So may blessings have befallen me and I've been numb to that own special voice rising up within me.  No more!  It's time to set things in motion again and start talking about this daily joy that is to be found.  Thanks to my Hubby who has given me some special tools to help me be more productive on the go too.  I am so blessed!

If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. ~ Charlie Parker (Two and a Half Men)