Wow! It's been a very long time since I've written anything. And in my last post I was so gung-ho with writing about all the determination and Finnish sisu that I have. Where did all that energy of mine escape to?! Well, I must say over the last few months especially, I've been more like a bump on a log.
So, is it so bad to be a bump on a log? Evidently I used to think so when I was a little girl. I'll never forget one conversation between my maternal Grandfather and his brother when I was only in late elementary school. I had spent the summer in northern Minnesota (Soudan, MN to be exact) for a long extended visit with my Grandma and Grandpa Holm. This was the first time I was ever "on my own" apart from my parents too... pretty scary stuff for the young person I was at the time.
During that summer I remember spending a lot of time outside the visitors' room in the hospital. My grandfather was very sick often, and I was too young by the hospital's standards to visit him when he was a patient. Thankfully for much of the summer he was out of the hospital though. But, during that time what I remember most about my grandfather was that he was confined to a wheelchair, and he often got tired and was sick. He tried, but he just didn't have the energy to keep up with the likes of me. Maybe it's understandable why I really took up with his brother that summer, my Uncle Adolph. There was something about him that fascinated me. In spite of severe arthritis and joint replacements, he managed to find ways to stay active and get around... to my young mind, without issue, it seemed.
So, with that backdrop set now, I get back to the conversation I found mortifying as a young girl. I enjoyed spending much time with my Uncle Adolph, getting to know him and his wife Alvina. Lord knows what I babbled about during our visits. At the end of the summer my parents traveled back up north to collect me and bring me home to Tennessee. We all were having a grand visit before I went home, and somewhere along the conversation my Grandfather commented to me "So, you think that I'm a bump on a log?"
Never in my wildest dreams would I have actually told Grandpa Holm that I thought he was a bump on a log. There was so much of his life I didn't understand when he was alive... from his illness, to his inability to walk and get around without the use of a walker, to the cancer, to just his serious nature and stern personality. Sometimes it was intimidating to a kid. Thankfully I was blessed that Grandpa Holm recorded his testimony on a cassette tape before he passed away. I've listened to his words and the story of his life over and over for the past 20+ years and have learned so much from his example and faith. I didn't appreciate him enough when he was alive, when I was so young and just didn't understand. Only after it was too late did I realize he was never a "bump on a log." In his own way, he fought to make the most out of the life he was given. And he blessed so many people in the process.
I've been my own "bump on a log" the last few months... just overwhelmed with life in general -- tons of work, trying to get our taxes filed, and general concerns over family and friends. My Grandpa Byrd has been on a roller-coaster ride with his health during this time too, and unfortunately (for us) we lost him this past Thursday evening. I fly home this evening to be with family and attend the funeral. I'm looking forward to visiting, but am already missing being with my husband.
So, I guess I'm trying to say that now being an adult, I think I understand why sometimes we fall into that lethargic mood. It's not that we want to enjoy life any less or be less active. Sometimes life just takes the spirit out of you and it takes a while to refuel your energy again.During that summer I remember spending a lot of time outside the visitors' room in the hospital. My grandfather was very sick often, and I was too young by the hospital's standards to visit him when he was a patient. Thankfully for much of the summer he was out of the hospital though. But, during that time what I remember most about my grandfather was that he was confined to a wheelchair, and he often got tired and was sick. He tried, but he just didn't have the energy to keep up with the likes of me. Maybe it's understandable why I really took up with his brother that summer, my Uncle Adolph. There was something about him that fascinated me. In spite of severe arthritis and joint replacements, he managed to find ways to stay active and get around... to my young mind, without issue, it seemed.
So, with that backdrop set now, I get back to the conversation I found mortifying as a young girl. I enjoyed spending much time with my Uncle Adolph, getting to know him and his wife Alvina. Lord knows what I babbled about during our visits. At the end of the summer my parents traveled back up north to collect me and bring me home to Tennessee. We all were having a grand visit before I went home, and somewhere along the conversation my Grandfather commented to me "So, you think that I'm a bump on a log?"
Never in my wildest dreams would I have actually told Grandpa Holm that I thought he was a bump on a log. There was so much of his life I didn't understand when he was alive... from his illness, to his inability to walk and get around without the use of a walker, to the cancer, to just his serious nature and stern personality. Sometimes it was intimidating to a kid. Thankfully I was blessed that Grandpa Holm recorded his testimony on a cassette tape before he passed away. I've listened to his words and the story of his life over and over for the past 20+ years and have learned so much from his example and faith. I didn't appreciate him enough when he was alive, when I was so young and just didn't understand. Only after it was too late did I realize he was never a "bump on a log." In his own way, he fought to make the most out of the life he was given. And he blessed so many people in the process.
I've been my own "bump on a log" the last few months... just overwhelmed with life in general -- tons of work, trying to get our taxes filed, and general concerns over family and friends. My Grandpa Byrd has been on a roller-coaster ride with his health during this time too, and unfortunately (for us) we lost him this past Thursday evening. I fly home this evening to be with family and attend the funeral. I'm looking forward to visiting, but am already missing being with my husband.
The taxes are done now thank goodness and I'm beginning to feel more like myself again. The next few days will be spent visiting family and treasuring precious memories of our loved ones. I'm counting on that and the anticipation of returning home to my beloved husband who I dread being apart from, to help refuel my creative energies. So many good things are happening in my life right now and I have so many blessings to be thankful for. Enough time for me being that "bump on a log" - time to move forward again!
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| Counted cross-stitch piece I did of my favorite photo of me and Grandpa Holm |
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| Me with Grandpa Byrd the last time I was home to visit in November 2008. |
One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
~ Lucille Ball
