I Resolve to Evolve

New Years' resolutions don't work well for me anymore.  Goal-setting and such step-by-step planning doesn't even seem to work very well for me anymore either.  Life changes to quickly and I seem to have to turn on a dime in an instant of a second in the most graceful of all manners.  

Nothing says "Happy New Year!" like fireworks

Gone are the days and New Years' Eves where I would spend countless hours pouring over my New Years' resolutions, painstakingly spelling out every last detail of how I intended to accomplish next year's goals... of course, only after subjecting myself to the appropriate berating of myself for not having accomplished all of last year's goals first.

e·volve

 [ih-volv] verb, e·volved,e·volv·ing.

1.

to develop gradually

2.

to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution

Don't get me wrong -- I consistently make plans and set goals.  Instead of all the minute details at year-end now though, I've become more of a "road map" type of gal.  I seem to have in mind more of a destination I'm seeking and have less concern about the route I take to get there.  In my lifetime of almost 40 years (yes, 2012 will be a milestone year for me), I've learned there's usually more than one way to get from Point A to Point B. For me lately, it has become more about finding the most scenic and enjoyable route to eventually get me to the same intended destination.

Point of illustration -- one of my goals always seems to be centered around weight loss and becoming more physically fit.  I've been beating myself up over the past few weeks because I've not kept to my normal exercise routine or faithfully logged all the calories I've been consuming.  After all, over the past 3 years I've dropped almost 50 pounds and toned up quite a bit... I don't want to gain it all back after going through such hard work... which is something that I've left happen to me before (although not at that significant level)!  Still, consider the time of year and I did allow myself some much-needed indulgences over vacation-time, holidays, and festivities over the past few months.  I did let my guard down a little, but when I weighed in this morning I was pleasantly surprised.  My measurements stayed consistent and I was only 4-5 pounds heavier than when I took my last full measurements at the end of August.  That's something easily remedied with our renewed efforts during the coming new year.  Sometimes you just need a slight "detour" to be able to stay on track.

So, I've enjoyed some celebrating of 2011... it was a really, really good year that I'm thankful for because of so many reasons.  God has blessed us abundantly (as always) and I stand in amazement of His bountiful blessings and love.  Where am I going in 2012?  Well, I'm still on the same track.. my same "road map" so-to-speak, trying to gradually evolve into my ideal self.  Here is who I'm prayerfully aspiring to become:

My ideal self is a positive, cheerful woman that always looks for the best in people and situations.  She recognizes gaps and challenges as opportunities to build upon and make things better.  She doesn't make excuses and she accepts responsibility for her actions.  She is confident and doesn't sell her self short.  She helps everyone around her be better people too and offers love and friendship to all that she meets and interacts with.  She is mindful and aware of all her surroundings, her energy levels, feelings, emotions and physical sensations -- always striving to make all work well together to enjoy life and each moment to the fullest.  She is forgiving of others - and herself - helping others and herself to learn from their mistakes and grow from them.  She is creative and is always learning new and interesting things.  She builds and leaves a legacy for those that come behind her.

I'm certainly not "there" yet, but I hope to move towards these lofty goals step by step.  Happy New Year everyone!  Tell me what your hopes are for 2012 and how you hope to continuously "evolve"...

Another Christmas Miracle

I must confess... this year I have found it a quite a bit more challenging to get myself into the Christmas spirit than usual.  My closest family and friends will find this absolutely shocking.  After all, I tend to listen to Christmas music all year long, although a little more infrequently than in "the season."  Heck, my name even SCREAMS Christmas cheer if you think about it.  Why did I find it so hard to get in the spirit this year?!?!

How can anyone resist Christmas lights? -- Disney's Cinderella Castle draped in lights when we visited Magic Kingdom in 2007

I must confess that I've gotten caught up in the "busyness" of everything lately and it really has weighted me down this season.  At the suggestion of Gretchin Rubin to her readers late in 2010, I picked "momentum" as my word to set the tone in 2011.  I even wrote a lengthy blog post about how I intended to use that as motivation this year.  Well, 2011 started out great... it's been an awesome year and we've managed to accomplish a lot.  But lately I've been feeling like I've run out of steam and started feeling rather "stuck."  The minutia of life sometimes just gets to overwhelming and unending.

Even after giving myself "permission" to skip the annual Christmas newsletter mailing and keeping decorations very minimal, I've still just not really felt very "Christmas-sy" until a few days ago.  One night I left work a bit later than normal.  Earlier that day I was able to get out at lunchtime to go for a run in the beautiful warm Florida December weather.  However, by the time I left my office a cool front had dramatically dropped the temperatures and brought a steady, dreary type of rain with it for the evening.  Christmas music played through my car's radio and the words to a beautiful version of "O Holy Night" really caught my attention.  The chorus kept powerfully reminding me... "the weary world rejoices..."  Imagine that... the weary world rejoices.  How hopeful is that sentiment!  Even in my most weary moment, I have so much to be thankful and hopeful for...how callous of me to forget.  Music always has a way of speaking to me and it transported me back to a few Christmas celebrations in the past where I was really in tune with the real reason for the season.

So I had to do some catching up online and it looks like Knoxville's Wallace Memorial Baptist Church's Living Christmas Tree is under construction again this year.  It brings back so many wonderful memories of a very spiritual Christmas awakening I felt one year in my earlier adulthood years on my own. 

It was my 2nd Christmas on my own as an adult and I had just moved to Knoxville, TN from Johnson City.  I became very involved in the young adult ministry at Wallace and especially in their wonderful choir and a small singing ensemble called "Cornerstone."  The Living Christmas Tree is an annual tradition at that church that is not to be missed.  I was blessed to be a part of it in 1996 when I first moved to Knoxville, singing alto in this awesome choir.  Practices for the program were intense and I was very busy then too, but for some reason I felt very in-tune with the coming Christmas season.  At the same time that season I read "Two From Galilee" by Marjorie Holmes for the first time.  It was such an amazing account of Mary and Joseph and the Christmas story, a true love story unmatched by anything I had ever read before.  There was probably more than one choir practice I was late for just because I could not put the book down.  Reading that particular account of that story made performing in the Living Christmas Tree all the more of a spiritual awakening for me.  Never will I now be able to hear the words to "Mary Did You Know" without having chills run up and down my spine.  I'll never forget singing my heart out on that 3rd bottom row of that tree (stage right), wondering if the congregation felt the miracle of the Christmas story as I felt it at that moment.

So, a few nights ago I was hoping and praying for a similar awakening like I felt so many Christmas celebrations ago.  I know my to-do list isn't going to get any shorter and there will always be work to do and that's fine.  I just needed a gentle reminder of what it is all about to empower me to keep moving forward.  I needed to become unstuck.

This morning I was blessed to get that reminder from our kids at Chapel by the Sea as they performed their own Christmas program.  From the wonderful symbolism of the advent wreath... (it dawned on me the only pink candle symbolizes "joy"... no wonder I love the color of pink), to our kids who surprised Scott and I with thoughtful gifts we weren't expecting, to the message of the program they presented....I find myself with such a happy heart tonight, learning from the children.

Santa's chair awaits behind Chapel by the Sea's advent wreath

So I'm happy to say I think I've been found by the Christmas spirit this year, although a bit later than usual for me.  Now just to transfer that positive energy to my to-do list and any work to be done, continuing that sense of momentum into the new year!  Happy holidays everyone!